-Homer J Simpson.
◘“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car”
-Unknown.
◘“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
◘“I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”
-Rodney Dangerfield
◘“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,”
-Calvin.
◘“Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?” Hobbes.
-Calvin and Hobbes.
◘“Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.”
-Clifton Fadiman.
◘“Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.”
-John Peers.
◘“You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.”
-Pearl Williams.
◘“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.”
-Lyndon B. Johnson.
◘“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
-Bill Cosby
◘“I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”
-George Bush
◘“Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.”
-Adam Marshall
◘“ My son is now an entrepreneur.Thats what you are called when you dont have a job.”
-Ted Turner
◘“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.”
-Dick Cavett
◘“Hey! You have a penny on your crotch”.”
-Exclaims Kelly
◘“A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn’t any Santa Claus, and he’s still upset.”
-James Gould Cozzens
◘“We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses.”
-Bonnie Lin
◘“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
-Albert Einstein
◘“ To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”
-Paul Ehrlich